More complicated situations will likely need time to think over information received,

imagine ways to get creative and possibly brainstorming solutions.

OUTLINE the question – “Do we want to start a business together? Or “Where do we want to vacation?” OR “Do we want to live together?” All involved detail their ideal scenario?

SHARE – Each person takes time to talk about the parts they like and any difficulties they see. Then everyone discusses possible ways to adjust the suggested ideas to address the feelings and needs of all involved.

EXPLORE DIFFERENCES – For each person. What needs get met? What needs don’t get met? What feelings about an unmet need come up? What needs mutually get met with this plan? Important to talk details about both, desires met and those not yet met.

AGREEMENT? Or does someone need more time to think about something? If so, look at any remaining questions, concerns, or needs. Get creative and explore possibilities..

AGREEMENT – Make a clear agreement. Restate, confirm and WRITE IT DOWN TOGETHER. In my many years of working with consent decision making, even with the agreement written down, people would remember things differently. Easier to reclaim the agreement if clearly written down.

REDOING TOGETHER – If someone finds that they have trouble following the agreement, they can bring it back for further discussion. Situations change and sometimes things need further discussion. Coming back to redo the agreement follows an acceptable way to address one’s commitment.

Not bringing concerns back for further discussions AND not following through with the agreement breaks the agreement.

Changing Complaints into Requests

An Example of Making an Agreement instead of a Rule