An Example of Making an Agreement instead of a Rule

 

My request

I don’t want dirty dishes in the sink in the morning

because I can’t fill my kettle with water without moving them.

My request – My housemate will do her dishes before she goes to bed.

Housemate’s Position

She comes home late and tired from work.

Some nights she barely feels up to making food and eating.

She doesn’t want to feel required to do her dishes then.

Deliberation

I can understand her position. We explore options.

I suggest that I buy a small plastic tub

to put on the shelves at the end of the kitchen.

She will put her dirty dishes in the tub

when she feels too tired to do them.

She likes the idea of putting her dirty dishes in the tub.

Agreement

She agrees to put any dirty dishes in the tub before she goes to bed.

Keeping track

We keep track to see how this works for both of us.

If either person doesn’t like some part of the agreement,

we revisit it and look for an other agreement we both feel comfortable with.

See complaints into requests

Making Agreements instead of Rules