Changing Complaints into Requests

When I complain about a situation, I only focus on what I don’t want. I don’t give information about

how to help me meet my needs. Instead I make a specific, positive, doable, and present-time request.

I focus on what I desire and give information about how I might get my needs met.

When I make clear statements as requests, I usually find others willing to help me meet these requests. 

“It’s too hot in here.” 

Reframe “I feel hot. Ok to open a window?”

“Nobody listens when I speak.” 

Reframe – “Give me your attention please.”

“You talk too loud .” 

Reframe – “Please talk more quietly to help

me understand your request.”

“Go away and leave me alone.” 

Reframe – “I feel upset. Please stay quiet for a minute

so I can breathe and calm myself.”

Don’t do it that way! 

Reframe- I think you didn’t understand how I want that done. 

Let me show you again.

What’s the matter with you? 

Reframe – I don’t understand your reason to do it that way. Please explain.

See an example of making an agreement

See making an agreement instead of a rule.