At 37 years old, I took my 6 year old son to live on a communal farm where my life slowed down.

I felt privileged to step out of the scheduled existence of city life. The people in this community

encouraged me to contribute as much as I felt comfortable to do, to ask for help if needed, and

take care of myself as part of the process. So, clearly no “shoulds” coming from outside myself here. 

Still I noticed how I would create feelings of obligation with statements like “I have to go work in the garden.”

I grew excited to garden when I changed my words to “I help to grow our food today.”

“The winters on the farm truly held a quiet time of rest and renewal. Yet, I noticed my

“have to” talk coming up again on the days when I tended to the animals.

I found myself getting into “Oh no, I have to go out in the cold and do the chores.”

When I noticed my words, I realized how my self-talk kept me feeling obliged and so resistant

to do “the chores.” When I felt obliged, I’d procrastinate and my resistance would build.

When I noticed my attitude and the words that maintained it, I shifted my language,

my attitude changed. “Ok, my turn to care for the animals today.

I wonder how cold it really feels outside.” I’d poke my head out the door.

The outdoors usually didn’t feel as cold as I expected or feared. 

Then I’d give myself a pep talk, I’d remind myself about the amazingly warm coveralls

and gloves I bought. “So, I’ll stoke up the fire and get the house toasty. I can care for the animals

in less than an hour. I know I’ll feel pleased when I get done.” 

I usually enjoyed the outside once I got there. I realized that when I didn’t carry

the dread with me, I didn’t stay caught in my head and trudge through “the chores.”

I enjoyed the snowfall, or the rainbows made by the sun shining through the icicles, or the antics of the chickens.” 

I found myself constantly amazed at how much changing my language changed my attitude.

Or possibly, how consciously choosing to change my attitude helped me change my approach and my language. Either way, I felt delighted at my growing ability to change my consciousness at will.