By three years old, I made agreemetns with my son that
I would take him to the park of his choice after we peacefully did errands.
The practice of making agreements with Maurice helped me practice creating win/win situations. I felt comfortable with either of us coming back with difficulties fulfilling our agreement. We could redo the agreement with mutual consent.
I felt this practice taught him accountability to keep his word, an understanding of the effect of unforeseen factors on fulfilling an agreement, and the flexibility to remake agreements.
At five years old on a farm, Maurice challenged one of my rules.
My request – Maurice might step on glass, nails, thorns, etc. I want him to wear shoes.
Since he knows how to tie his shoes, I want him to tie them.
His request – He doesn’t want to wear shoes. (He makes his position very clear.)
He wants some compensation for doing something he doesn’t want to do.
So, if I want him to wear shoes, he wants me to tie them for him.
Deliberation – We start getting into a power struggle every morning about who ties
his shoes. After a frustrating week, I remember my twenty-year-old question.
Will Maurice still want me to do something for him, like tie his shoes, at 20 years old?
He will definitely not want me tying his shoes.
Agreement – I propose that if he agrees to willingly wear shoes when he goes outside,
I will tie them for him. In this way, I step out of the power struggle. I take my time to tie
his shoes and expect with the lack of resistance things will shift. I only tie his shoes for
about 5 or 6 days before he gets tired of waiting for me to tie them